Thursday, August 23, 2012

So life, we need to talk..


Why are you so sad? Who do you need or what do you need to make you whole again? Why is there always a lump in your throat and you just want to cry? Why do you feel the need to wallow in pity when there are people that have it so much worse than you? And.. why don't you have the motivation or the slightest care in the world to do anything about it? Why don't you love yourself Becca, I don't understand it. It really hurts to watch you die inside and struggle for air to keep you going each day. It seems as though shrink more and more each day. I don't even know you anymore. Happiness. Happiness mattered to you once before. Why not now? You don't care about anything. ANYTHING. Yourself. You are lazy and you don't take care of yourself. You don't like leaving your house, your room, your BED. what the hell? You don't eat and when you do you don't eat well. You don't sleep at night and sleep most of your days away. You watch other people live their lives and you cry. You rarely hug or kiss your husband, you don't call or text your friends. You never go see your grandma and you don't talk to your mother. You feel like an outcast between your brothers and you have no contact with your in-laws. Your clothes don't fit, your hair looks like shit and your daddy left you. Your cat won't cuddle with you and you have no idea who you are. You are not brave and yet you tell others to be brave. You have no heart for yourself and only give advice to others that you wish you could listen to. You don't care about yourself yet you care deeply about what others think of you.. how does that work? You let your conditions and diseases control your life. How do you break free? How do I break free?

Becca, I'm scared. I don't know what to do.


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